When a man loves a woman

Of late I’ve been engaging with a lot of critiques of modern, or post modern, feminism and it’s been enlightening – curiously coincidental with a lot of insights I’ve gleaned over the years. I was born in the early 70’s and was there for the early days of the media’s push for equality between the races and gender. It seemed like the right thing. People should not be victimised for the colour of their skin or their gender, only an insane person could think otherwise. I’ll never forget the words of Martin Luther King Jr, wherein he said that he had a dream of a nation where one day his children ‘would not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character.’ I’ll never forget those words. They resonated so strongly with my soul that I pledged there and then to never judge any person by anything other than their ‘fruits’ – the content of their character.

But over the years the stated aim of this drive for equality has morphed beyond all recognition. Indeed, it would seem that in fighting monsters, it has become a monster. It seems like ‘equality for all’ has become a sort of unquestionable orthodoxy the very questioning of which evokes paroxysms of heretical outrage reminiscent of the bloody days of the (Un)Holy Inquisition. It seems that the idea has become so narrowly defined, and so utterly incapable of nuance, as to be, not merely redundant, but actually harmful to the great gains this drive has established. Such that it is now poised to drag us into a culture worse than any has yet existed in the past. This is disconcerting, to say the least.

Recently, I was making dinner for my girls and, as I was peeling the potatoes, ‘When a Man love a Woman’ by Percy Sledge played over my speakers and the imagery and lyrics danced in my mind and spoke deeply to me about the insanity of the age and alluded to the cure.

I thought about the love of which this man sang. I thought about my two little girls and how I hope that, when they grow to be women, they find someone that loves them so and that they love them every bit as much. Percy sang of the joys and ecstasy of finding ‘the one’ and the hell and horror that ever attends upon the realisation that you have fallen for the ‘wrong one’. I thought about the amazing devotion of the lover for the beloved. I considered how I have found such love and know other men and women that have been so blessed and try as I might, I could see no patriarchy in that relationship.

I have learned over the years that true love wants only to serve but fear needs control. Love inspires the urge to serve but fear inspires the craving to dominate. The service born of love is voluntarily bestowed upon the beloved. Technically, my two daughters are uncaring and ever demanding tyrants. If they are awake, I must be awake. If they are hungry, I must get them food. Technically, they have all the power. My life is no longer my own. My life is theirs and it is to be exercised for their good, regardless of my personal desires or wants. Does that mean that I live in a Matriarchy?

Men and women have loved one another genuinely, truly, madly, deeply for aeons and between sincere lovers there is no urge to dominate only to serve – even to freely and gladly die for the enhancement of their welfare. The relationship that exists between sincere lovers cannot be sullied by claims of power and dominance, such things are anathema to true love. However, to those that do not [or cannot know] know such love – there is only power and urge to dominate.

Percy said, ‘Loving’ eyes can never see’ and these words carry much wisdom. Love is a lens that pierces through the surface and perceives the core, the treasure hidden in the heart of the beloved. A person in love sees things in the beloved to which everyone else may be blind and often causes them to wonder ‘what the heck does she seen in him?’ or vice versa. In an ideal situation this works well but when one falls for a monster, the image crafted by your brain is censored so profoundly that all you can see are the positive elements and virtually nothing of the negative. You see the good ‘in potential’ but they never manifest it. You may wait patiently for the good to emerge but it never does. It chokes and dies in their heart and you wait and suffer, wait and suffer – until you can suffer no more.

On the other hand, HATE – the shadow of fear – is likewise a filter, only hate removes all that is good and focuses solely on the negative qualities. Interestingly, neuroscience has taught us much on how the brain filters data depending on particular attitudes, biases, and situations.

These reflections reminded me of the Master’s insistence that we approach all from an attitude and perspective of sincere love – even towards our oppressors, in fact especially towards our oppressors. Life has taught me that things conceived in anger cannot prosper, while all those things conceived in love cannot fail. It is, then, the better part of wisdom to endeavour always to respond with love towards all things, good or evil, lest we unthinkingly multiply the evil and darkness in the world.

I am therefore led to conclude that the primary drive that underpins the hateful attitude that is lorded over all as a virtue by 2^nd or 3^rd Wave Feminists is rooted in fear and that all their outrage is nothing more than ceaseless manipulation, a macroscopic cultural expression of the loveless narcissist who craves power and control. It seems that society is [at least in the West] like a pair of defunct lovers. One is sincere and adoring but the other interprets everything as a power play, it projects onto every one and every thing its own sickness – being utterly unable to conceive of the selfless love which lives only to serve.

Signs and Wonders

“Humans, they’re always lookin’ for signs, wonders, and miracles. As if turning sunbeams into wine using a grape wasn’t miracle enough.” Paraphrasing Terry Pratchett


When I reflect on Terry Pratchett’s wit I realise that like the fish in the ocean are completely unaware of the water wherein they live, move, and have their being, we too are blind to the great sea of cosmic miracles wherein we live, move, and have our being. All too often it is not until something tragic occurs, when the rug of our world is pulled out from under us - like a fish getting pulled from the water, that we are compelled to open our eyes and awaken to the world around us. It was not for nothing that the Master taught ‘many will not enter the Kingdom except by much tribulation’.

A friend once said, “You never truly know your own country until you leave it.” and it is amusing that you never know that you never know. Spiritual experiences are journeys to alternate realities in which you leave what was familiar far behind and embark upon a journey of sublime discovery. Such experiences precipitate huge changes or, put more precisely, huge corrections to our understanding of reality. 

In such moments an entirely new awareness of and appreciation for the things around us and our place in the universe is born. Our ‘eyes are opened’, we are ‘born again’ – ‘born from above’, stirred awake from our long slumber.

Over and over we see this metaphor employed to communicate the realisation of something marvellous, a gospel: that something greater than we can imagine lies at the heart of creation. This reality reaches beyond the furthest horizons of our imagination all the way down into the hidden deeps of our soul and on. In such moments we discover our very existence is a miracle, wrapped in mystery, and crowned from beginning to end in wonders.

The sages, seers, prophets, and spiritual teachers, across all the ages proclaim: ‘the kingdom of heaven is within you,’ ‘fear not, believe only. It is the Father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom,’ ‘the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand, even now is!’

Out of this abundant joy, ever welling up in the soul, springs forth the energy to transform ourselves and all Creation.

People keep looking for signs, wonders, and miracles, all the while failing to realise that they are a sign, a wonder, a miracle.

Heavenly Things

In John 3:12 we read these intriguing lines: “I have told you of earthly things and you have not believed; how much more so would you not believe were I to tell you of heavenly things?” This sentence teaches us much about the Master’s mission on earth. His mission can be summed up into three key revelations. First, was his revelation of the Father: he showed us what God is like when he portrayed the God of boundless love, limitless mercy, and endless devotion – declaring that ‘you that have seen me have seen God.’ Second, he taught us that we are the children of the God he came to reveal. And thirdly, he taught us how the children of God live and conduct their lives: “Love one another as I have loved you.”

It is hard to imagine what must have been going through the mind of Jesus when he was deciding on the portrayal of the Father he would make. We do know, however, that he went with the conservative option. We know this because at key points in his life - when faced with unbearably difficult decisions, when he was torn utterly between his longing to help his fellow man and his aspiration to abide in all things by his Father’s Will but couldn’t decided either way yea or nay, he retreated into the Father’s Will and in pretty much every single case the Father decided YEA! Jesus chose to portray the Father as solemn and devoted. I’m sure he knew his audience well and figured that this portrayal would work best, even if it wasn’t 100% replete. Over and over again in the life of Jesus the exuberant nature of the Father would spill out over the image Jesus was crafting in his life and teachings and make considerable trouble for him.

He was, no doubt, bursting to reveal so much more but couldn’t. He knew the limits of his people and therefore wisely restrained himself in his life and teachings. In restricting his revelations he even admonished his followers and the teachers of his gospel to let their light ‘so shine’ Matt. 5:16 such that their lives would effectively illuminate and not blind their fellows…but even at that, he told his closest friends: “I have yet many things to teach you, but you could not bear them now.” John 16:12. Jesus craved to teach his followers so much more but they simply could not bear it. It would have been utterly pointless to offer teachings that would have been beyond their ability to understand. So, he must have decided to leave those revelations for another day; a day when the gospel would have spread over all the earth and such teachings might have great chance of being accepted.

And so we return to the first line of this article: “I have told you of earthly things and you have not believed; how much more so would you not believe were I to tell you of heavenly things?” John 3:12

The life and teachings of Jesus served one great purpose: To make a revelation of God to man. In doing this another revelation was effected, the revelation of the ideal Man to the Father. He offered very little teaching on Heavenly things. There was much that was implied or suggested but almost no clear cut and distinct revelations with regard to Heavenly things. No doubt there was wisdom in this decision, people would barely believe him on simple and straight forward matters – even going so far as to murder him for his teachings. Over-revelation would have alienated him entirely from even his audience and he would have vanished from the history books as just another quack.

Would it be beyond the realms of possibility that even as the Son of Man came to reveal the nature and character of the Father that another revelation would eventually follow which might do two things: clarify the life and teachings of the Master and provide a revelation of Heavenly things? I’m sure many today would recognise that the gospel has been subject to a chain of Chinese Whispers two thousand years long and could do with some authoritative correction of the signal. I’m also fairly certain that a great many would be intrigued to learn of Heavenly things. I imagine that whereas in the past people refused his gospel message they would be more inclined to receive it today. The trick today would be getting passed their prejudice with regard to Heavenly things.

What if I told you that this revelation has occurred and is freely available to everyone in the world? Would you dare to check it out? Would you dare to believe this revelation? Or would you, like the spiritually blind souls of old, declare such teachings to be ‘madness’?

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Whom do you serve?

We are all slaves but we are free to choose our master. The wise prostrate themselves before LOVE and achieve, thereby, their greatest liberty. Fools prostrate themselves before everything but Love and become mired in the wretchedness of their idols. LOVE is the substance of liberty; liberty is the form of Love. Insofar as you serve any master but LOVE you are a slave indeed.